so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
