Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
