So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
