fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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