Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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