So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he told me I talked like a deaf person
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
