btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
