Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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