Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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