theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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