I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
