Please, let me fuck your mom
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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