i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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