JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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