Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
