these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
