this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
time to smoke my breakfast
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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