We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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