I showed him my bush... on skype.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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