my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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