I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
