I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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