tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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