It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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