Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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