i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
