Can Purell be used as lube?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
