it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
