How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
