Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
