Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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