suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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