I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
