anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
