i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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