This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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