do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
