Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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