I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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