Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
