No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
there is puke in my bra ... again
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