go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
