I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
