I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
