Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You made out with two different species that night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
