i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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