I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
