i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
