Im at strip club and am horny
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
