forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is the high leading the old right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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