my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
