talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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