What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
