we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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