so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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