Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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