Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
