Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
