happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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