my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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