I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
