My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
