I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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