plz talk dirty to me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
