if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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