Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
