So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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