life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
