I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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