Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When are your genitals available?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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