is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
