I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
