I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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