Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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