I'm going to jail i love you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
