What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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