alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me I should be a condom model.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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