If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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