chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
