I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
